Leah E. Reinhart - Wellness Garden Tool Shed

Emotions In The Process of Memoir Writing

Emotions

Today I listened to Spring Forward Your Writing webinar with the speakers being Mark Nepo, Dani Shapiro, Linda Joy Meyers, and Brooke Warner. Each speaker had their unique way of addressing their emotions and process of memoir writing. I found myself with tears filling my eyes while listening.

I wasn’t quite sure where or why these emotions popped up. Questioning, if this was a normal experience, it was suggested that the answer could be found through journaling.

My answer was found in my journaling. We had a writing exercise with these topics: My suffering comes from… My joy comes from…. My work going forward is, what do they have to do with each other? After writing, it was no wonder why I was emotional.

The one thing that stood out to me, was when Mark Nepo said, “Don’t try to be important.” Our ego can get our emotions in a tizzy, if we let it.

Don’t Let Your Ego Rule

Mark’s advice resonated with me beyond measurable. I took the message as, “Don’t let your ego rule this experience.” I know it is due to the fact that my memoir, Manifesting Me, is going to be public next month. Once something is in writing, there is no turning back. Sometimes my ego chatter gets the best of me. I feel extremely vulnerable and possibly exposed, leaving me anxious.

Your ego has a way of feeding your brain every negative thought; from the “what if’s?” and the “who do you think you are’s?” Thank God, I am not always listening to it. I find focusing on writing, gets me connect with my spirit side. I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, live life from love. It produces a more desirable outcome.

Love, Compassion, and Encouragement

Panic and anxiety weren’t the only emotions I experienced. I felt deep love, compassion, and encouragement energy from all of the speakers; which also, brought me tears of joys. It was a gift to hear how much we are alike, from our fears to our desires to get our stories out into the world. And mostly to make a difference, by being of service.

Multiple Memoirs, Multiple Emotions

Dani addressed the issue of multiple memoirs. She has many memoirs and never thought she’d ever have one after being a novelist. A memoir only tells a moment in your life, not your autobiography. So it’s likely you’ll have more than one story which will likely lead to another set of emotions.

She also mentioned the fact that most memoirists didn’t have the best childhood. Although, some memoirs are about travel and have nothing to do with a tragic upbringing. Regardless of what your story is, or how many others may have the same story, they will never be exactly the same. You want your audience to feel your experiences as if it’s their own. Dani said, “They aren’t reading your memoir because of you, they’re reading your memoir, because of them.”

Don’t Make It About You

The biggest mistake you can make being a memoir author is making it about you. I know that sounds hypocritical in the fact that, a memoir is about you and your story. What memoir is really about, is inspiring others through your journey and letting others know they are not alone. Sometimes it’s an emotional journey or an adventurous journey, but it’s something that will stir emotions in the reader.

It’s your story they are interested in not you which is one of the biggest compliment of all. If I can reach one person, I’m sure I’ll be emotional over that, too. I guess all and all, memoir can be very emotional and raw. It’s okay to be sensitive, and it’s very normal, when writing or reading a memoir. It means the writer has touched you and has made an emotional connection. Isn’t that what good writing does?

My Emotions When Writing

It takes courage to write your story. Taking risks feels uncomfortable, but it’s well worth it. Be fierce like the lion. Face your fears and feel the power in it. Nothing is better than overcoming fear or challenging yourself .

My emotions have been all over the place when I’m writing. Sometimes I’m laughing. Sometimes I get angry, other times I’m in tears of great sadness or joy, and other times, melancholy. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between reality or fantasy. In turn writing a memoir is as if you’re reliving your experience. That’s why it’s so emotional! What emotions will your story evoke? Would you be willing to share your story? Or is it too emotional?

“Rational thoughts never drive people’s creativity the way emotions do.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson

What Does the Entrepreneur In You Dream Of?

Is It Luck?

This weekend is big in our household. My son’s band, Vivifyd, has their first show away from home, in L.A. How lucky for them! I am so happy they get to have this experience. It’s bittersweet for me, because I too, will have a new experience. I will be working my first book festival at the 4th Annual Bay Area Book Festival in Berkeley, which means I won’t be able to go to L.A. But I will get to learn more about being a writer.

Is it luck that they were invited to an L.A. show? Is it luck that I get the chance to meet new authors by working a festival? Denzel Washington said this about luck, “I say luck is when an opportunity comes along and you’re prepared for it.” And I agree with this statement. And as a new author, I am throwing myself into whatever opportunities come my way, in order to learn this new business. It’s all very exciting and new. The band doesn’t have any sort of expectation; the same as, I have no idea what happens in a book festival, but we will soak it all up like sponges like any entrepreneur will do starting a new business. You never know who you might meet. But you have to start somewhere. Why not at the beginning?

Entrepreneurs Run In My Family

I have a history of entrepreneurs in my family. General contractors, artists, landscapers, auditors, and venture capitalists. You could say the pattern has continued. My husband is a general contractor owning his own business, my daughter is a realtor, my son teaches guitar lessons and is in a band, I’ve been an independent contractor as a hairstylist for the last 27 years, and have owned my own salon for the last 2 years. Now I am taking on the business of being an author. I guess you could say none of us like having someone else being in charge of our lives; whether it’s our scheduling or our income. We don’t mind taking orders from clients or fans, but there’s something about having a boss that doesn’t settle with us so much.

When your an entrepreneur, you tend to take advantage of every opportunity when it arises. Plus, I know how to use the law of attraction, and have taught my kids how to use it, by bringing opportunities to us. It can be difficult when there’s more than one of you in a household attracting things. Sometimes they come up all at once. As a mother and new author, the choices can be somewhat difficult. Go with my nineteen year old son? Or start building my foundation? But it will be okay. My husband will be with him, along with his band mates and one other father. We all must do what needs to be done. The more involved we get in our new careers, the busier and more conflicting schedules will arise. That’s not a bad thing.

New Ventures Can Be Emotional Roller Coasters

Any new adventure can be an emotional roller coaster, especially when it involves the limelight. Having your work revealed to the public adds a new kind of vibe. I’ve already had a neighbor congratulate me on my first book, Manifesting Me. I’ve seen this woman for about as long as I’ve lived in my house and had never really exchanged any words. It was very nice, but felt weird at first. Then another neighbor introduced herself to me, who I’ve seen around forever and has never looked at me before. Don’t get me wrong, it was pleasant and I like talking with people. I guess it felt strange, because I’m the same me. I am no different from before I wrote a book.

There are the ups and the downs. The highs can be exuberant, especially when it’s about something you’ve created personally and you get praise. Everyone will have an opinion and it isn’t always going to be positive. People will love you, hate you, or not give a care. Entrepreneurs know not to take this personally. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized other people’s thoughts of me, cannot define me. Some days it’s a struggle. But you can’t please everyone all of the time. For the most part, you’ll be surrounded with more people that will appreciate what you have to offer.

Put Your Insecurities In Check

Put your insecurities in check. It’s okay to compare yourself to others in your field, only when it’s to gage yourself in setting goals. I have compared myself with other authors. Sometimes it makes me insecure, but mostly it motivates me to be like them, which leads me to do research. How did these authors get to where they are? I should meet these people and learn from them. Once you’re in research mode, you aren’t focusing on the negative stuff. In fact, it creates more excitement about the new industry. I’ve found most secure and successful people love helping newbies. I’ve had the pleasure receiving advice from some of my She Write Press Sisters I love the honest answers I have received. No sugar coating things. It’s very rare to have instantaneously overnight success. It take time, money, and action.

My friend who’s been in a band for awhile, said to my son, “For every step forward, there are two steps back. That’s just the way that it is. So don’t get discouraged. Keep on going. Persistence pays off.” He couldn’t be more right. He’s learned how to make money doing what he loves to do, in a career that most people think is impossible to succeed. And it doesn’t just go for bands. I feel the same was as an author. It goes for any kind of entrepreneur. Look at your feelings of insecurity and challenge yourself to understand why. Then get motivated to move forward.

What’s a Real Job?

It’s funny to me how others view an occupation when it involves art; music, writing, painting, etc. People think of it more like a hobby. It’s almost as if the art must sell immediately; or you’re just another “starving artist” and need to get a “real” job. What’s a real job? I believe the only reason they are “starving” is due to their lack of knowledge in marketing. This is where the entrepreneurial mind comes in.

As an entrepreneur, I think of the ways to make my “hobby” into a business. I never wanted to be in a career where I was miserable, just to make extra money. Why not make money in what you love doing? Doesn’t that sound like more fun? Marketing and branding oneself takes time and knowledge. If you don’t know how to do those things, then research is required.

Where to Start

Where do you start? Meeting people and picking their brains is probably the best and most useful way to learn. As a hairstylist, I have many wealthy clients. I was never envious, but rather curious. I was not afraid to ask them how they acquired such wealth. In turn, it got my brain into high gear, to make the same things happen for me. One client told me real estate was always the number one investment. Another told me the benefits of owning a home. Another, taught me investments in the market. I’ve managed to take their suggestions and put them to use. Never be afraid to ask questions. Most people love to share their stories of success.

The internet is great for learning how to do just about anything which includes, how to brand and market you business. Just Google it. YouTube has every kind of video. I learned how to submit a provisional patent, a trademark, and copyrights from YouTube. If I can figure out how to do it, you can too. Sure, it takes time. Don’t you want to be your own boss and love what your are doing?

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Never forget that or let anyone tell you differently. I started my twenties as a single mother to being an independent contractor at 22 yrs old, owning a home by 25 yrs old, owning multiple investment properties by early 30’s, and having a retirement plan, in the market.

Now I’m attacking the author world. Non of this would’ve happened, if I didn’t have an entrepreneurial mind or have curiosity. I have been “lucky” (or was it luck?) to have been exposed to entrepreneurs, willing to share their stories of success. And be able to learn and apply their knowledge to my own life and pass it down to my children. What does the entrepreneur in you, dream of?

“Diligence is the mother of good luck.” – Benjamin Franklin

There Are Benefits In Setbacks

Setbacks

I was interviewed yesterday on Stories that Empower podcast with Sean, where one of the questions was, What was a setback in your life, that had a profound effect? I’ve had many setbacks in life. But this question really made me think. Everyone has had some sort of a setback, if they’ve lived at all.

I thought my life was heading in one direction until one incident change my whole trajectory. I know that I am not unique in this situation.

Setbacks introduce contrast into your life to help you determine what it is you really want or what’s best for you. So in the long run, there are benefits to setbacks.

What setbacks are tripping you up? Are you open to the idea that setbacks come with benefits? I’m 49 yrs. old and have had many experiences of let down, like many of you. But I’ve seen the upside as well. I’ve seen how those let downs were like dodging a bullet. I’m sure many of you have dodged bullets.

The Benefits of Setbacks

How exactly are setbacks beneficial, you ask? Haven’t you had a relationship that ended not on your terms? The feeling of rejections hurts like no other. It feels like you did something wrong or worse, there’s something wrong with you.

As time goes on and your heart is on the mend, you meet someone new. This person is actually better than the one that broke your heart. Had you’d stayed with that other person, you would have never had an opportunity to meet this new fabulous person. Benefit #1 of a setback.

It’s the same with a job. You so desperately wanted this position and worked so hard for it. You were the best candidate for the job. You even had a strong inclination you were getting this job. Only to have the carpet pulled right out from under your feet. You fall flat on you your face. Completely blindsided. Later an opportunity comes up, even better than what you could’ve imagined. Benefit #2 resulting from a setback.

Sometimes the benefits take a long time to show themselves, but they always do. Sometimes it’s years and sometimes a few days. Look at it more like a detour; you’ll get there eventually. Life is working for you.

Life Is Working For You

Things don’t always happen in the time or the exact details we have dreamed of, but it doesn’t mean to give up. If anything it should motivate you. Life is working for you at all time, even when it feels like it’s not. If you truly reflect on your life, you will notice how things have always worked towards your benefit. So go out there and don’t let those setbacks detour you. Keep plugging along. Whether it’s a book your writing, a record your producing, getting on that team, moving into your dream home, or meeting that perfect mate, don’t let the setbacks discourage you. You will get there.

“If you so choose, even the unexpected setbacks can bring new and positive possibilities. If you so choose, you can find value and fulfillment in every circumstance.” – Ralph Marston

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How Does the Three Toxic C’s Affect Your Success?

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Why Does a Difference of Opinion Have to Turn into a Fight?

Is Fighting a Good Topic to Discuss?

I struggled whether I should write a blog about the way people fight over a difference of opinions. I decided to go forward in hopes of being part of the solution, no matter how small my contributions is. Something has to change. What we are doing as a society, isn’t working that well. Social media has its positive uses; but it has a very dark side, we all know too well. People used to be polite to one another in public. Now, people will ignore you or say something rude. Remember when we were taught, If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?

What happened to manners? What about a simple smile? Fighting doesn’t usually occur when someone is being polite or smiling. In fact, studies show that if you smile at someone, it boost their self-esteem; it’s contagious. If you need to express your opinion of a topic, can you do it nicely?

Does A Debate Have to Turn into a Fight?

Everyday on social media there is some sort of controversy. And it turns into a fight. Our country is having some serious issues on our communication skills. Many don’t know how to have a healthy debate, resulting in loss of relationships and friendships. How can we be part of the solution and not part of the problem?

For starters, when someone has a difference of opinion, it’s probably not a good thing to start of your conversation with a criticizing word or sentence. You will immediately lose the person’s attention and send them into defensive mode. Nothing will come out of this conversation, except a fight or argument.

Fighting or arguing on social media gives you the false sense of power to say anything that you might not have the guts to say in person. Not too mention, there’s no sense of tone in writing and things are misinterpreted, leading to a fight. So, how do we not get provoked into fighting?

Let’s Avoid the Fight

Some topics like racism, politics, religion, abortion, and gun control are topics that have strong convictions and are all over social media. More than likely you aren’t going to change a person’s mind on these subjects. But if there needs to be conversations regarding these topics, try not to make it personal. Listening to what someone has to say whether you agree or not, is one way to avoid a fight.

Ask questions as to why they feel the way they do without judgment. Hopefully, they will reciprocate the listening. When people feel like they’ve been heard, their walls come down and they are more likely to hear your point of view.

No one will respond positively with an opening judgmental statement such as “What’s wrong with you?” or “How can you possibly think that way?” which implies that they think you are some kind of idiot. Everyone likes to be treated with respect. You won’t want to fight, when someone is treating you with respect.

Someone Else’s Shoes

I have strong opinions on all of the topic above, like most of you do. Being a hairstylist for many years, I am paid for opinions on hair care and styles, not much else. My clientele is very diverse; as far as being religious, conservative, liberal, and somewhere in between. In order to keep my clientele, I have to try to put myself in someone else’s shoes.

By putting myself in their shoes, it helps me not to take things personally. It helps me understand the client; or at least, see why they feel the way that they do. By doing that it opens the door for me to share my thoughts and they try to understand me. We don’t always see eye to eye, but we learn something new almost every time and there’s never a fight.

We All Can Get Along

Let’s not reduce to the fighting that is shown on reality TV. We all know or should know, reality TV isn’t reality; it’s entertainment. I’m not sure why people screaming or pulling hair, is declared entertaining. But for some reason, it sells. It personally gives me some anxiety – much like the fighting on social media.

If I get triggered over a comment on social media, I try to look inside and see why. If my emotions are too much to handle, I block those conversations. I try not to engage in contentious topics. I admit I read comments, but I have learned in the past, participating doesn’t always end with the people you thought you were talking with.

With love, empathy, and compassion, we all can get along. It takes some work and lots of real communication which includes listening to one another. We are at at volatile time where emotions and feelings are running extremely high. Let’s look for solutions instead of pointing out what we deem as the problem. Who really likes to fight?

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. – Dalai Lama

Do You Feel the Effects of Mercury Retrograde?

Effects of Mercury Retrograde

Some of you have heard of Mercury Retrograde and how terrible it is. I know some of you are rolling your eyes and I totally get it. This is just some astrology hokum. I would too, but I’m one of those people that sees patterns. I have quite a memory much like an elephant to remember patterns and when they took place . Have you felt the effects of Mercury Retrograde?

Mercury retrograde tends to affect learning, contracts, listening, speaking, travel, codes, electronics, and communication. This occurrence happens 3 to 4 times a year. We happen to be in one right now, March 23 – April 15. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “Mercury again! When will this end?” Mercury gets blamed quite a bit. How are your phones and computers holding up right now?

How Are Your Electronics and Flights?

I can usually tell when Mercury is about to be in retrograde, when my computer acts weird, my phone does weird things, or my clients are late due to an unusual amounts of traffic and it’s not even a full moon. People tend to lose their luggage or have delayed flights during this time. It can be more of a nuisance, if you only focus on its negative effects.

I know there’s no scientific proof of all of this. But I don’t need to have that, when I can see correlations and consistent patterns. My client works on computers for a living. I’ve asked him when Mercury is in retrograde, “Are you extra busy? Are things not going as smoothly as they normally do?” Knowing the answer is yes, he validates me every time. He’s very left brain and more scientific to believe in such nonsense. Yet, he will now ask me if Mercury is doing its thing, because he’s noticing a pattern. Don’t worry though, not all is bad when Mercury retrograde happens.

The “Re’s” That Come With Mercury Retrograde

There are many “re’s” with Mercury retrograde. Lot’s of redo’s, repairs, and revisions which all sounds kind of negative. I recently had to send a list of mistakes in my advanced reader copies so it could to be “re”vised. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, because it pointed out all of my mistakes. My ego was bruised a little. In the long run, having my mistakes corrected before my book goes to the public to be criticized for poor grammar or typos, is a much better plan. Not all “re’s” are bad.

Mercury retrograde is an excellent time for revising, redecorating, reconsidering, re-evaluating, reorganizing, renewing, rejuvenating, reinventing, and rejoicing. It’s a time for reflecting.

Do you have a project you need to revisit? To be successful sometimes it’s important to rethink some of our ideas and plans. Maybe they need revising since some things have evolved or changed. What was working at one time, might not be working as well as it used to. Slowing down and taking time to reevaluate a situation hasn’t hurt anyone. All of this is needed to succeed.

No Need to Panic When Mercury is in Retrograde

There is no need to panic when Mercury is in Retrograde. It’s not all bad. Look at the bright side; you get to slow down for a minute and reassess your situation and revamp it. Change is inevitable, so why not go with it. Remember to be organized and don’t wait until the last minute do something. You might need a little longer travel time to get where you need to be. Maybe Mercury in Retrograde is the Universe’s way of making us slow down in this fast-paced world we live in.

“When things are bad, it’s the best time to reinvent yourself.” —George Lopez

Everyone Has the Potential to Fulfill Their Dreams

First Step is Potential

Everyone has the potential to fulfill their dream. Potential is like the seed of a dream. Are you willing to plant that seed? If’ you’re not, what’s holding you back? Is is lack of knowledge? Is it fear of failure? Lack of motivation? Are you impatient?

Have you ever met someone and thought Wow, they have such potential? Yet, they never did anything with it. Nothing frustrates me more. They have great ideas or talent, but no follow through.

There seems to be this consensus in which things must happen within a year or two in order for something to come into fruition; such as writing a book, being a rockstar, being an actor, etc. Potential must be followed with action. You can’t become a medical doctor without many years of education. If you want to be a hairstylist, you need to complete a certain amount of hours in beauty school. Many famous people have had lots of rejection, before making it big.

Everything Has a Gestational Period Including Your Dreams

Everything has a gestational period including your dreams. Once you’ve planted the seed (dream) let it develop. A gardener doesn’t dig up the seed to see if its growing. It waters it, fertilize it, and cares for it. Seeds and dreams aren’t all that much different. Let the dream develop, grow, and evolve. Learn everything about your dream life; all aspects of it, positive and negative.

My son’s dream is to be a rockstar. He has great potential to make it big. He’s quickly learning that it’s not so simple. There is an extremely high turnover in band members, which slows down the band’s progress. There are many talented musicians with potential, but talent and potential aren’t enough. I think most bands don’t make it, because they quit too soon. While talking with other bands that have had some success, my son has learned that this is part of the process. It happens to most rockstars.

The other day I volunteered to be an extra in one of my friend’s TV comedy pilot. I was proud of my friend. I knew how long this had been in the making; from idea to production. He’s one of the ones that didn’t give up on his dream. I’m convinced people give up on their dreams prematurely. Or they are too fixated on certain details. Details can delay your process.

I Had a Specific Vision

When I had the idea to open my own salon back in 2008, I had a specific vision. I wanted a house on acreage and build a space where I could do hair, read angel cards, write books, host authors, spiritual teachers, and anything under the realm of healing the mind, body, and soul. The idea had tons of potential. I wanted it to be my Wellness Garden Tool Shed. I’d have the Garden filled with healing herbs, flowers, fruits, and vegetables. I’d have the Tools needed for outer beauty and inner beauty; hair care products, jewelry, books, etc., and the Shed to house everything involving Wellness.

The Kinks

My husband and I didn’t have the funds to buy property at the time. I visualized as much as possible. I made vision boards; whatever I could do to, but nothing was happening. There was a house in a particular area I was looking and it was perfect. It had been on the market for quite some time and the price was reduced. Then the worst happened. It sold. I was so disappointed. My vision wasn’t happening exactly the way I had planned. Sometimes there are kinks in the plan, but it doesn’t mean the plan is ruined for life.

Six months later I found out that the house that I wanted with tons of natural space was going to have a whole new housing development built. I would’ve died had I bought that property. Maybe delays or unforeseen and unwanted changes really are for the best in realizing your potential.

Epiphany

I kept the Wellness Garden Tool Shed in the back of my mind, but didn’t dwell on it. Since our funds were tied up in other investments, getting a loan was nearly impossible. Years went by and I had started getting serious about writing, angel card reading, and hosting guest with unique abilities inline with my goals. I had an epiphany.

Why don’t I have my Wellness Garden Tool Shed here in the house. My already existing yard could be the garden. I could do some landscaping and do all the things I had thought of here. My backyard has a beautiful view of rolling hills. Plus, I have the space to host guests for whatever. The point is had I’d been strictly set on a specific location, I’d still be waiting for my potentially great salon.

It’s All About the Process

It took eight years from a potentially wonderful business to a tangible and prosperous business. Had someone told me, I’d have to wait eight years to have my dream business, I don’t know if I could’ve handled it. It was the process which kept me going. Each step lead to the next and drove me closer to my goal. It was fun learning the different steps of building a business from scratch. I have everything I want in a business and more. It is growing and evolving like a garden. I’m not trying to brag. I knew I had potential and took the necessary steps to get where I wanted to be. If I can do it, you can too!

Remember it’s the journey not the destination. Some things are too big to take in all at once. A building starts with one brick, a city starts with one neighborhood, and so forth. The point is to start. Are you living up to your Potential?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thoughts and Energy Are the Key Ingredients in Attraction

Thoughts, Energy, and Attraction

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I’m Coming Out! An Author Has Been Born

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