By Leah E. Reinhart
Comparison Is One of the Toxic “C’s”
Comparison is one of the toxic “C’s” along with Competing and Complaining. I talk about comparison in this blog because we all do it. And we do it to the umpth degree when we scroll on social media. We fall into serious FOMO, fear of missing out, or fear of missed opportunity. There are a few ways to help overcome comparison. When I say “overcome” it isn’t like it goes away. I’m offering a couple of tools that were given to me through Jen Gottlieb’s Be Seen https://a.co/d/2UF1V41 and Lewis Howes’s book The Greatest Mindset. https://a.co/d/2UF1V41 I’m still in the process of finishing Jen’s book, but finished Lewis’s last Friday. There are other popular self-help or empowerment books that help with this topic, too.
Imposter syndrome is one of those trendy buzz words used these days, but what it really is, is comparison. We compare ourselves to others that have already done the things we’re starting out wanting to achieve. One of the greatest lines in Jen’s book is “Don’t compare your first chapter with someone else’s 20th chapter.” Not only have I’ve done this in business, I’ve done it at the gym along with relationships.
Have you ever been on a treadmill and looked over at the person next to you to see how fast they were walking or running? Or look at the amount to weights someone next to you is holding? Guilty! I had no idea if they’d run many marathons in their lifetime. I know I never had. Or what if they’ve been competing in body building forever? So what makes us think we can even compare or compete with that? Not logical at all. But what’s worse is when we do it in business or our dream job.
What’s Keeping You From Your Dream Life?
Is there something that you’ve dreamed about doing, but can’t seem to pull the trigger? I’m raising my hand over here. The one constant thing in my head about growing my business, is whether I have what it takes to expand my business. It’s the “how to get started” with unfamiliar territory that is difficult. So how do we figure it out? Research. Who’s successful at what we want to accomplish and follow their steps. That seems logical, right? But how do we follow steps when what we’re trying follow turns into comparison.
That little annoying voice tells you “it’s already been done” “you don’t have an audience” “it’s so easy for them”, “they were already in the limelight” and the list goes on of every reason they are more successful than you’ll ever be. Again, comparison is a dream and motivation killer. I’m not saying don’t ever research people that are doing what you want to do, I’m saying you can’t compare your first chapter to someone else’s tenth chapter.
We all know people (at least the people I know) that want to be the best in their business and want to fulfill their dreams. And if anything has taught us about social media, is everyone is putting their best lives on on blast. And what is the human condition? Comparing your life to those that are having more fun, their business is flourishing bringing in multi $$ in a month, or they have the perfect family. We all know logically this isn’t always the case. Please don’t let other people’s successes keep you from yours. But there is something to be said about putting that fabulous life out on paper or even social media.
A Badass List
Find your badassery and make a list. I said it! A BadAss list. Everyone has a badass list, whether it’s in your head or a in a journal or on social media. Jen Gottlieb talks about this in her book which inspired this week’s blog. Really it’s much like a gratitude list which Rhonda Byrne talks about in The Secret. Think about all of the times you felt like a badass. Isn’t that what most people kind of do when they post their favorite memories or something that might make others jealous? I’m not saying everyone is trying to make anyone jealous on social media, but some have confessed to me that they loved making people thinking they were living their best life. I digress.
Here’s an example of my first memory of when I thought I was pretty bad ass. At 6 years old my new neighborhood had more dogs than people in it and I was terrified of dogs. (Not sure where that came from.) My desire to meet the kids in the neighborhood outweighed my fear of dogs and I had to figure out how to get around them. Leashes weren’t a thing then. My mom told me I had to face the dog and not back down, much like the instructions you see if you run into a coyote when hiking. It worked! I felt pretty bad ass that the dog that once terrorized me, backed down. Learning to face my fears was a continuing life lesson for me and in the process led me to many bad ass moments. All in my book. (another badass moment). https://wellnessgardentoolshed.com/product/manifesting-me-a-story-of-rebellion-and-redemption/
Unfortunately many of were taught not to brag. It meant you were stuck up and/or arrogant. There’s a big difference when you brag to yourself. In fact there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Besides isn’t that what everyone does on social media? Instead of looking at everyone else’s stuff and comparing your life and their experiences that causes FOMO, reflect on your amazing moments and get that BadAss list started, even share it on social media! Why not? Use it, don’t let it use you.
Comparison Doesn’t Go Away
Comparing oneself never goes away completely and if you use it in way that it motivates you instead of paralyzes you, then great. I remember comparing my times when I ran track or raced dirt bikes (I felt like a serious badass when I raced dirt bikes.) I always wanted to improve like most athletes do. Comparing numbers to set goals is what every successful business manager or business owner does. Yet that imposter syndrome rears its ugly head when we get stuck. That little voice just needs to be put in check and the first step in shutting it down is to recognize it, remind it how much of a badass you are and all the things you’ve accomplished, then focus on what it is you want.
When you set your course and trajectory do you think everyone needs be doing what it is you’re doing? No. So don’t you do it either. That’s the bad comparing. Every spiritual teacher, mentor, or business/life coach will tell you to keep track of a gratitude journal because studies show that it brings happiness and a calmness, then the Universe gives you more to experiences to be grateful. When you are in a good headspace, you won’t be so insecure. And when you aren’t feeling insecure, you don’t feel compelled to compare yourself or your journey to anyone else’s. Then you can give your undivided attention to your goals.
When You Find Yourself Comparing
When you find yourself scrolling on social media and start comparing your life to all those in your feed, remember that you are a badass. You don’t have to unfollow or unfriend, just hide the ones that triggers you. Your trigger meter (meaning the way you feel, tense, worried, etc.) will let you know. Stop! Why are you on the platform? Is it to improve your life/skills or or see what’s going on with family and friends, or is it so you can feel bad?
You aren’t in control of things outside of you and even somethings inside of you, but you have a choice of what you put in front of you. Some days will be harder than others. This is your journey. There’s only one of you. You and your gifts wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t a reason. Like Marie Forleo says, “You have that special gift that only you have.” Let that sink in. If that’s the case, then there’s no need to compare or feel inferior to anyone. Let me know how your badass list is coming along in the comments. You may be helping someone else by sharing while helping yourself. Thank you for reading.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Theodore Roosevelt
